When I teach students I tend to use the term ’self-worth’. It’s an English teacher’s thing, I know, to be so pedantic, but I am awestruck by the power of language and so I tend to be cautious with my ‘labels’. I believe students should definitely be encouraged in all areas of schooling – academic achievement, citizenship, effort, manners, team work and so on. I also don’t believe praise or encouragement should be stingy. Still, I believe there seems to be a cultural imperative that one must feel good about oneself all of the time. So, when I am not doing at least the minimum effort, or I steal something from the teacher’s pencil case, or I am cruel to a class mate I am still not encouraged to remorse or conviction. Actually, even normal feelings like fear, sadness and grief aren’t always dealt with either. The book shop across the road from me would only stock three of a series of emotion books for little people (I wanted them for Tess). They had
‘Happy’, ‘Kind’ and ‘Love’ but didn’t get in ‘Scared’, ‘Angry’, ‘Sad’ or ‘Jealous’ (the last three are emotions even God feels – I’m not sure about scared). I talk to students about the times it is appropriate to feel bad things too and I have found that the language of ‘Self-esteem’ doesn’t allow for that.

A child should feel worthwhile, we should all know that our intrinsic worth is one of great value. We should value it so much that when we don’t look after ourselves or others or we behave badly we should feel convicted to do better and try better. Simultaneously, if sitting still when I am a fidgeter (and I am) is something the teacher notices then I think it’s right to go ahead and commend me. It’s appropriate to commend one child for a C grade and encourage another one to try harder. The grade isn’t the issue, the child is the important thing.

We live in a world where if something is hard to get it must be more valuable. I think we have got to the point where love and praise are treated with the same ungenerous hand. I have also found that being generous with praise gives my disappointment a great deal of power too. I don’t need to punish or humiliate to let a child know that he or she could have done better. And disappointment is an intensely loving punishment, it doesn’t seek to hurt but to let the child know that I have a wonderful image of him or her that I expect he or she can live up to. You can only get disappointed when someone isn’t working to be their best self. Self-worth is knowing that I do have a better self that needs to be maintained and loved (just like everyone else).

I think self-esteem is about working at preserving a feel good state without tending to the character.

Just my opinion.